My time here in Congo is almost done. The last four months have flown by, and I am preparing to return home. I have been working on several blog posts, but honestly just don’t know what to say.

I have no eloquent words today. It is the Easter season. A time to remember the sacrifice of Jesus, who gave up His own life so that I might live, that humanity might find redemption and choose life everlasting. As I think back on the Easter story – I see Judas. A man tempted by greed and not understanding the cosmic significance of his actions. How he traded Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.

And then I think how many times I have done it for free. How many times I have ignored, cheated, defied, betrayed, maligned or just plain forgot about Jesus.

And in the face of all of that – He still looks on me with love. What GRACE.

Without Him, I am nothing. Seriously. People think I do these really great things and go far away to dangerous places and must have such faith. But I don’t. I am just an ordinary person who God has called and made it possible to follow one of His greatest commandments – the Great Commission. I get cranky and mad, I do things I should not, I doubt and don’t always understand why things happen like they do. I am selfish and like things my way. I have days that I just don’t care or get too tired to do it again another day. I am weak….and in that, there is room for Jesus to be strong.

I come home from a trip to Africa or Haiti or somewhere in the world that is not a vacation spot. People always ask me “How was it?” and “Doesn't it make you so grateful?” Yes. And no. Gratitude is not a passive response in the face of suffering or poverty or disease. Gratitude is not an adjective that comes when I have seen something hard to face, experienced things I cannot put into words – making me feel better about what I have. I think I use it as a shield to keep me from feeling the inconveniencing responsibility that I now have. Gratitude should be an action that comes from asking “Because I am grateful, what am I doing to change my world?” Wherever I am.

Today I found out that a little one, Sebastian, from the baby home Mercy Ships visits weekly has died. Died from malnutrition, dehydration and some viral sickness probably. No one really knows. Maybe also from a lack of love, of attention, of cuddles and laughter and interaction that should have been his. A little boy- slipped quietly from this life.

A couple weeks ago, I rested my hand on this little guy’s head. He was just sitting, looking at the white people who came to visit. Sitting in corner. I brought him over and he just sat quietly and rested his head on my legs. So sweet. I never thought he would be gone from this world such a short time later.

Even though my heart is broken,  I am grateful. Grateful to have met him and others like him. Grateful to the point that I know I will spend the rest of my life fighting for children to be loved, people to be valued, Jesus to be glorified in the nations. It is not and cannot only be an emotion I feel when I remember, but a life action that colors my choices and future.

May we all find something in our lives today to be grateful for – and because of that to take action and do something to change our worlds.

Thank You, Jesus, for Your sacrifice. Thank You that You hold little Sebastian in Your loving arms, where he is safe and surrounded by all the love he needs.